My checklist includes:
* Hook internet up to comm system, blast lds.org over speakers.
* Grab Bug-out-bags, Get-home-bag, Stay-put-bag, and other such kits. Dump contents out on living room floor. Engage in traditional orgy of eating all the perishables. Get new perishables. Pack everything back up.
* Sharpen all knives, test all batteries, dump & fill drinking water cistern.
* Rotate or sta-bil gas and diesel storage. Check kerosene and propane storage. Locate and check seals on buried hoard.
* Test GetOutOfDodge plan after Sat session: April conference: retreat 1. October conference: backup retreat.
* After the talk on family togetherness, argue about getting along.
* Inventory food storage. Berate husband for not cooking more. Make husband clean up broken bottle of cannery salsa accidentally thrown at his stupid fat head.
* Vaccum LP/OP.
* Demand budget from husband to wallpaper gun room with that pink floral pattern I saw at Lowes.
* Switch landmines from summer-soil triggers to winter-soil triggers.
* Sit on the front porch during sessions and play the gunowner's version of the drinking game.
- Shoot target every time you hear "brothers and sisters", "endure", and "pornography".
- Empty clip vigorously every time a female voice says "precious", "virtuous", "lives of meaning and fulfilment", or "backrub".
- Swear loudly every time a female voice says "support", "encourage", "husband", or "his needs".
- Go full auto when you hear "debt", "self-reliance", "safe home environment", "defend against", or any mention of armed conflict.
- In the unlikely event they pull out the Brigham Young quotes about sending the enemy to hell cross-lots or women carrying a gun, or that Joseph Smith quote about people not defending their families being cowards and bastards, you can toss a grenade or fire the bazooka.