Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Provident living

From the church's new(ish) Family Home Storage pamphlet:
Dear Brothers and Sisters:
Our Heavenly Father created this beautiful earth, with all its abundance,
for our benefit and use. His purpose is to provide for our needs as we walk in faith and obedience. He has lovingly commanded us to “prepare every needful thing” (see D&C 109:8) so that, should adversity come, we may care for ourselves and our neighbors and support bishops as they care for others.

Out here in the fairly-remote windswept hinterlands, the soil ain't that good. Infuriating hubby keeps wrinkling his nose at obtaining cashmere goats for the yarn. The zoning board ruled against our ammunition factory. So we gather what we can.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

"Which Book of Mormon Character would you like to meet"

I'd like to meet Coriantumr, and talk him into letting me take his place against Shiz. And Shiz would be all "come unto me that I may slay thee" and I'd be all wearing my shades and saying "I don't think so". And he'd be all "you shall pay dearly for your brash foolishness" and I'd be all "Hey, I just opened up a can of it for ya - come get it!". And he'd be all "thy head shall part from thy body ere the noonbell rings" and I'd be all "I hear yo' mamma got her noonbell rang in Gamorrah" and he'd be all runnin' at me yelling "AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" and I'd get all up in his grillz and be all kung-fooey on him. And he'd be all "thou hast dealt me a painful blow" and I'd be all "It's supposed to hurt, it's a butt-kickin'" and he'd be all throwin' sand in my face like a coward and I'd be all staggerin' around goin' "thou hast used a mongrel trick against me". And he'd be all "Time to bust a cap in ya'" and I'd be all "Hey, I thought I was the smack talker and you was the old ancient guy - hey look - the Harlot Isabel!" and he'd be all "What? Where?" and slickin' his hair back and I'd bury my boot in his situpon up to the fourth knuckle. Then I'd cut his head off too.

That'd be cool.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

One outta five ain't bad

It just slays me, that some day soon, my spawn will cast their righteous lines into a lake that produces fish such as these first four:

Of course, the last one gives me hope. You go girl - keep plodding forward against the raging storm! Way to show that not every person produced by them institutes of higher larnin' is a bedwetting handwringer like my husband.


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Absolutely nothing happened

The other day, a man apparently angry over a poor performance evaluation entered an Ohio State University maintenance building and DID NOT open fire, NOT killing a manager before NOT turning the gun on himself, police said.

See, Ohio State has a policy against such things happening:

Firearms and Weapons Policy

No person shall be permitted to carry or possess a concealed or unconcealed firearm, weapon, or other hazardous materials on the university campus, other premises owned or within the control of the university, or at functions sponsored or sanctioned by the university. Items covered by this policy include, but are not limited to the following:

Guns and firearms of all types

Sure is a good thing they had that policy in place! Otherwise someone might get hurt!

But anyway, if someone actually decided to [gasp] violate this policy and bring a gun on campus, Ohio State's "Dealing with Disruptive and Distressed Individuals" policy should handle things just fine:

How should I deal with a disruptive person?

Disruptive behavior should not be ignored. Remain calm. Remind yourself that it is not about you, it is about the situation. Tell the individual that such behavior is inappropriate. Inform the individual that there are consequences for failing to improve the disruptive behavior. Many disruptive situations involve anger. Recognize that the period of peak anger usually lasts 20-30 seconds.

Although this may feel like an eternity in the throes of the situation, often it is best to “wait it out” before progressing. Remember to keep your supervisor or department chair apprised.