"Which Book of Mormon Character would you like to meet"

I'd like to meet Coriantumr, and talk him into letting me take his place against Shiz. And Shiz would be all "come unto me that I may slay thee" and I'd be all wearing my shades and saying "I don't think so". And he'd be all "you shall pay dearly for your brash foolishness" and I'd be all "Hey, I just opened up a can of it for ya - come get it!". And he'd be all "thy head shall part from thy body ere the noonbell rings" and I'd be all "I hear yo' mamma got her noonbell rang in Gamorrah" and he'd be all runnin' at me yelling "AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" and I'd get all up in his grillz and be all kung-fooey on him. And he'd be all "thou hast dealt me a painful blow" and I'd be all "It's supposed to hurt, it's a butt-kickin'" and he'd be all throwin' sand in my face like a coward and I'd be all staggerin' around goin' "thou hast used a mongrel trick against me". And he'd be all "Time to bust a cap in ya'" and I'd be all "Hey, I thought I was the smack talker and you was the old ancient guy - hey look - the Harlot Isabel!" and he'd be all "What? Where?" and slickin' his hair back and I'd bury my boot in his situpon up to the fourth knuckle. Then I'd cut his head off too.

That'd be cool.