Queen of the Doomer meme

Some folks like to talk about EMP bursts, pandemic quarantines, economic collapses, global famine, food rioters, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, relatives coming to visit, civil war, or any other natural or manmade disaster that results in the rapid and massive breakdown of social order. Call 'em SHTF scenarios or TEOTWAWKI or whatever you want, they're all the same as a Zombie uprising to me. Just another dang reason for people to show up on my doorstep and annoy me.

Look people, I don't care if you're on fire. I don't care if Obama won a 2nd term and half the states are seceding and the other half are declaring martial law. I realize that you don't get forcibly relocated to a FEMA camp every day, but why do you feel the need to come whine at me about it?


Top 10 responses to "Oh, if something bad happens, I'll just come to your house!"

10. Not without six months of your own supplies, you won't.

9. Yeah, your family means so little to you, I'll be sure to pick up your slack. Why don't you bring all your credit card debt while you're at it.

8. Sweet! We needed a decoy to walk the wire and be the first person shot!

7. Just be sure you show up with a ladder. Not sure how many corpses you'll have to climb over.

6. I may give you the shirt off my back, but try to take it, and I can only spare half a buck worth of subsonic copper hollow-points.

5. Hey, bring all the barter goods you want - I love to haggle. A roll of TP will get you past the dogs.

4. Be sure to bring some good boots, cuz you'll be up to your ankles in horse crap earning your keep.

3. Fine by me. I hear people taste like chicken.

2. Make sure you come early - the first five help me shoot the next fifty.

#1 is a tie:

1. "Don't do that, Mommy will just shoot you and make Daddy bury you in the backyard." (Are my kids great or what?)

1. "What, you thought I was gonna bunker down somewhere people can find me?" (Note found in my empty house)

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Video proof of neglect and educational negligence!

Here's the product of some random anonymous homeschool group. I don't know any of these people in person, but I sure as heck am one of them.

Yarn is cheaper than crack!

Ok, just to shut my hubbby up, I'll comment on this, just this one time.

Drug addiction signs from AddictionCA.com:

Smell of substance on breath, body or clothes.
Currently, the bags of fiber are contained in the barn and processed in the basement. And since hubby doesn't have much of a sense of smell anyway, this one isn't much of an issue.

Needle marks or bruises on lower arm, legs or bottom of feet.
This is stupid. Yes, hubby keeps piercing his tootsies when walking around the house in his socks. But that's because we don't clean, not because I'm addicted to yarn.

Car accidents, fender benders, household accidents.
Shut up. It ain't my fault if people don't give me a wide berth after they see me knitting at the red light.

Changes in friends: new hang-outs, avoidance of old crowd, new friends are drug users.
Hah - I got this one beat. The new friends aren't knitters when I first meet them - it takes them a while to be trained.

Change in activities; loss of interest in things that were important before.
Hah - I win another one. I wouldn't be much of a knitter if I hadn't figured out how to knit:
At church, homeschool co-op, doctors offices, and while doing stuff on the computer.
At friend's houses, while playing games, in the line at the DMV, at movies.
While shopping, in the check out line, while cooking, while eating at home, while eating out.
In Airport shuttles and Taxis, moving airport walkways, planes, trains, a paddlewheel boat, the Zoo tram, and of course in cars (either as a driver or a passenger).

The activities haven't changed - just the experience enhanced.

Drop in school or work performance; skips or is late to school or work.
Got another one beat! Don't work outside the home, don't go to school.

Changes in habits at home; loss of interest in family and family activities.
If one never had much interest in one's hubby in the first place, one can hardly blame one for not increasing one's interest in one's hubby just because one has harkened to the sweet, sweet call of the yarn ball.

Difficulty in paying attention; forgetfulness.
(knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, knit, kn-) What? Why am I sitting here at this computer typing crap? And where did my other yarn project go?

Lack of motivation, energy, self-esteem, discipline. Bored, "I don't care" attitude.
Meh. If I felt like getting up, I'd come over there and [falls asleep].

Violent temper or bizarre behavior.
Defensiveness, temper tantrums, resentful behavior (everything's a hassle).
Anyone who knows me, knows I never come within a mile of these unrefined issues.

Unexplained silliness or giddiness.
Unexplained moodiness, irritability, or nervousness.
Wait - is this a quiz about drugs, yarn, or bein' a chick?

Excessive need for privacy; keeps door locked or closed, won't let people in.
As I keep telling my visiting teacher - just scan the obits and if you don't see me there, I'm good.

Paranoia -- suspiciousness.
Hang on a sec - there's a car coming up the road. I'm gonna go shoot at it.

Secretive or suspicious behavior.
Couldn't get a clean shot, and the car got away. We're moving.

Chronic dishonesty; trouble with police.
Sorry, my 'community relations' with da po-po's always been this way, even before yarn. (Got no reason to lie about it.)

Unexplained need for money; can't explain where money goes; stealing.
I fully explain what the money's for and where it goes. It goes into bins and closets full of yarn and stuff.

Unusual effort to cover arms, legs.
Oh, now this is just a cheap shot. One can only knit so many hats.

Change in personal grooming habits.
Hey, if daddy can sit at work and scratch his rear end with a pen, why do I take flak for doing it with a sock needle?

Possession of drug paraphernalia.
Only enough for my needs. Besides, you wouldn't begrudge a little old lady her needles, crochet hooks, looms, sweater machines, sock machines, drum carders, spinning wheels, and niddy-noddies, would you? (Stupid hubby won't let us get cahsmere goats.)

So, there you go. Obviously no problem at all.

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